Friday, May 31, 2013

Onward and Upward

I thought it would be fitting to change the name of my blog from "Waiting for Bee" to "Onward and Upward". Not because I'm done waiting, but because it seems that we're always overcoming our hurdles and moving on to better things. Plus, I use that phrase all time time (try searching this blog, I bet it's posted at least 3 times). 

I found this quote while searching for things online and thought it to be pretty fitting:

"A sacred burden is this life ye bear: 
Look on it, lift it, bear it solemnly, 
Stand up and walk beneath it steadfastly. 
Fail not for sorrow, falter not for sin, 
But onward, upward, till the goal ye win."

Still no surrogacy prospects, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that the perfect person comes into our lives soon!

Thursday, May 16, 2013


It's been a few days since I got the call that we no longer had a surrogate. And the first night, I honestly felt that I was ok. I was sad, but I was ok. We'd move forward and things would be good. Now it's Thursday night, and I'm borderline devastated.

I don't understand how this could have happened. At this time our agency does not have any surrogates available. It's a small agency, so there's no telling when another one will come along, or if someone comes along that will be a good fit.

I'm not a patient person, but I wish I was. I waited to start trying to have kids until Mr. Bee was out of law school. Then I had to wait because I was so sick. When I was mostly better, I waited until we exhausted all of our infertility options. And then, we waited until we had money saved for a surrogate.

 I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I'm not always strong. I keep hitting roadblock after roadblock.

I have countless blessings in my life, and I'm trying to focus on those. I still have hope, but it's so hard to keep going.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Speakeasy Weekend

Last weekend we were lucky enough to get invited to a Speakeasy event - any excuse to dress up is good enough for me!

We had a blast hanging out with friends and sipping drinks on the balcony. Tip for people going to a speakeasy/Gatsby event - gloves are hard to manage! Between trying to eat appetizers and texting (spoiler alert: you can't text with gloves on), they really weren't my best friends.

Happy together, regardless of the gloves.

We also enjoyed the weekend BBQing with friends, and even helping put out a fire at a nearby apartment complex. Mother's Day is always a tough weekend for me, although I definitely don't have a lack of mothers to celebrate in my life. We also got some rough news on the kids front, so being out and about was a good distraction.

You know what else is a great distraction? Polygamy USA on NatGeo. I'm obsessed. If you're a fan of polgyamist shows, this won't disappoint. Especially because the women in this sect actually are the ones to have visions about who they marry and do the choosing. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

First Surrogate is a No-Go

Well, onward and upward.

From my last post, we thought we'd found the perfect surrogate and decided to move forward. She and I had talked on the phone about our hopes for the future and she seemed like a really amazing person.

After some back-and-forth with the contract, we finally all came to an agreement, and Mr. Bee and I had our contract signed and notarized. We were so excited to move forward and have a July transfer.

Today, we received a call from the surrogate that her husband was no longer behind her, and she would not be moving forward. She wished us the best and told us she thought we'd be great parents.

I was in total shock. If I had answered the phone instead of Mr. Bee, I have no idea what I would have said. I don't get angry, I just get sad. And after the cryfest that was Mother's Day yesterday, I didn't have enough tears left to deal with this disappointment.

As for next steps, we all decided to sleep on it tonight and re-group tomorrow with our agency. I know in my heart that we'll find someone who is a perfect fit. Someone who wants to do this for altruistic reasons. And when that happens I'll be over-the-moon happy. My story isn't going to stop here.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

What Are You Reading?

I'm finally back on a reading kick, and I've love to know what everyone else is reading (and loving!)

Here's what I've read lately:

Dead Ever After - Charlaine Harris. If you've read all of the other Sookie Stackhouse books, you need to read how it ends.

Then Came You - Jennifer Weiner. A dear friend let me borrow this since it was related to surrogacy.

Beautiful Disaster - Jamie McGuire. I know a lot of people who loved YA books enjoyed it, but it wasn't my cup of tea.

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness - Susannah Cahalan. This was an interesting read that was on sale and about how a journalist was hospitalized and told she was crazy, when she was really suffering from  an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder.

Next up for me to read:

The Paris Wife
My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor (for my book club)
The God of Small Things

If you have any suggestions I'd love if you'd comment below and let me know what I'm missing out on!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Derby Day Highlights

Derby Day isn't a holiday, but Mr. Bee thinks it is. I'm lucky to have a husband who looks forward to dressing dapper to all the parties I drag him to!

This year I had to find the perfect hat for our Junior League Derby Day party. Fortunately, Mr. Bee went with me to Dillard's to pick one out.

We so fancy!
I was asked to help market the event on the morning news, and boy was it chilly! We were there from 4:45 to 7am and it was no more than 38 degrees outside. We were running back and forth from our cars and holding up blankets until they said we were on air.

Junior League ladies promote rain or shine or freezing weather!
The highlight of Derby Day for us has been getting to pet and take pictures with the horse outside. Here we are anxiously waiting for our turn with the pony. 

After a long day of Mint Juleps and ponies, we headed to my work to judge a hat contest. Mr. Bee really wanted to change his outfit, and I actually won 2 hats (!!!!!) in the hat raffle! Had to show off the goods for the nighttime. Now I just need to find a few more opportunities to wear hats - it's addicting!

Hat judges!

Hope everyone else had a great Derby Day and celebrated with some fabulous hat fashion!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Discount Dresses for a Good Cause

$20 dress for a good cause!
I've been involved in Junior League for 3 years. Sometimes I get super amped about our philanthropies and volunteer projects. Sometimes not.

Right now, I'm amped. I was able to volunteer for a local organization that helps underprivileged teens get free prom dresses and accessories, and it was an amazing experience. When you meet these girls who are so grateful for anything you can give them, it literally melts your heart.

I thought about all of the dances I went to in high school and how my parents paid for my dresses, shoes, hair, and dinners. Wow, does that add up! And honestly, I felt like a jerk for just expecting that it was the norm. It was such a wake-up call to meet people who thought that these donated dresses were the most beautiful things that they'd seen, and were so happy to get makeup samples.

Aly's Prom Closet takes dress donations during the year, and I was happy to give some of my old prom dresses and bridesmaid dresses a good, new home. Since prom season is over, they are having their annual dress sale to raise money for next year, and selling the remainder of their dresses for only $20.

I actually picked up a dress for a gala that I attended last weekend and got tons of compliments on it. I know that most of you aren't out in Reno, but if you have a similar charity near you, I highly suggest you part with some of your old dresses, or take the time to volunteer!