Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Random Irrational Fears

I am not always the world's most rational person. In fact, I have many pretty silly irrational fears. Here are just a few.

This scares me just looking at it.

1. Bridges. Especially bridges over water. Not just troubled water, but any water.
2. Dark parking lots where I'm convinced someone will slice my Achilles like in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
3. Forgetting to wear underwear in public and fainting.
4. Spiders.
5. Being attacked while in the shower. I always think about my chances of survival if I get the water hot enough and blind the intruder. Does that really work?
6. Spiders.
7. People wearing masks. I have no idea why, I'm just not a fan. When I was 8 my cousin had a Power Rangers birthday party and hired people to dress up as masked bad guys. I kicked one of the guys in the crotch because I was so freaked out and my parents made me apologize.

I listed spiders twice. It wasn't a mistake. Here's my random scary story about spiders:

A few years ago, I went to a conference in Irvine (about an hour away from San Diego). It was in a more rural area, and it was summer, so I left my windows cracked so my car wasn't a billion degrees (mega foreshadowing).

At the end of the day, I got in my car to drive home. I settled in and just as I was about to drive off, I saw the hugest red spider I had ever seen hanging down over my face. So I did what any rational person would do and freaked out, ran away from the car, and went back inside to the conference to find a man who would get it of my car. I happened to run into one of our vendors, who I convinced to come to my car and find it. He looked over every inch of my car and didn't find anything, except the bag of lingerie that I'd recently acquired. We were both embarrassed.

I knew that the spider was still in my car, and had no idea how I'd get home, since my car had been hijacked. Somehow, I convinced the vendor to get in the car and drive me back to San Diego, so I'd have someone there when I got attacked. We drove for over any hour with no signs of the spider. I unwillingly dropped off said vendor and got on the phone with my dad while telling him the whole story.

I made it a block from my house, when I suddenly looked up and saw the spider ON MY WHEEL. So again, I acted completely rational and GOT OUT OF MY CAR AT A RED LIGHT. In the turn lane. My dad was yelling on the phone for me to get back in the car and the people behind me probably thought I was schizophrenic. I somehow managed to get the car across the street while steering the wheel the scariest spider I've ever seen was still sitting on it. I made it to the crosswalk and got out of my car again.

In the middle of my epic breakdown, a jogger comes by. By this time, I'm still in the road and in tears. He (while still jogging in place) asks me what the issue is. I told him there was a giant spider in my car and I couldn't do anything because I was basically going to die right there. Like it was nothing, he reaches into my car, grabs the spider (WITH HIS BARE HAND), throws it in the road, stomps on it, and jogs off without saying a word. Didn't even get to thank him for saving my life.

I know that's probably the most ridiculous story about spiders ever, and now everyone knows how completely insane I am. Also, it was like I didn't know that my caps lock was on for about half of that story. I did know, and it was needed. Because it was that frightening.

Do you have any irrational fears or ridiculous stories?

1 comment:

  1. I have the same irrational thoughts about getting attacked in the shower- and I hate spiders. HATE them.