Friday, December 20, 2013

What's in a name?

Even though I was convinced we were having a boy, I hadn’t given much thought to choosing a boy name. We’ve had our girl name picked out for a few years, and boy names always seemed so much harder to choose. Adding to that pressure is the fact that you’re naming a person, a person who will use that name their whole life, and the stress is even greater.
Otter Pop and I looked at every name website and baby name forum out there. I really liked usingNymbler (great for name suggestions based on names you already like, NameBerry for more unique name ideas, and The Bump Name Forum.  We wanted something that wasn’t too unique, would be hard to make fun of, easy to yell at a soccer game, and had meaning to us. So after a lot of soul-searching, we came up with his name.

Baby Sea Otter’s First Ornament
We decided on Aidan James. Aidan is Irish and means, “little fire,” and judging from how active he was during his ultrasound, we’re sure we’ll have our hands full. Aidan also incorporates the first two letters of our surrogate’s name, which makes it even more special to us. James is a family name, and makes it easy if our son wants to go by A.J.
There was some back-and-forth over choosing one of the more popular names of the year, but I think the specialness of the name will outweigh a few people who could possibly have the same name in his class. I had many other Katie’s in my classes over the years and was actually always excited to meet with someone who had the same name. Maybe that’s just me though.
How did you come up with your child’s name? Does it have any special meaning for you?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Elective Ultrasound

I was so excited to see our little guy this weekend via an elective ultrasound! Aimee was great enough to fly down so we could see how much he’s grown since the last time we saw him in person at the 9-week ultrasound. Aimee and I usually FaceTime during appointments, but the ultrasound quality at her appointments is a much lower quality, and we were hoping to get some good photos that we could share with the grandparents and great-grandparents. Most people do an elective ultrasound around this time so they can find out the gender, but since we already knew the gender from the blood test, we were able to just enjoy seeing him.

We arrived at the ultrasound clinic and were ushered into a room filled with plush couches and a big-screen TV that broadcast the ultrasound images.
For Watching Ultrasounds, or Sunday Football

The tech was able to find him immediately, and I teared up when I saw how big he was! He was so active, kicking his legs and moving his arms like he was waving. They did checks on all of his bones to make sure he was growing well, counted his fingers and toes, and checked to make sure that he was still a boy (he certainly is!). I was able to FaceTime with both of my parents who were so excited to see their grandson moving around.
Since I’m not the one who is pregnant, these appointments make everything feel so much more real to me, and are a huge comfort that things are going well. I love hearing that for once, everything is normal and our baby is healthy.
Baby Sea Otter’s 17 Week Ultrasound Photo
After the ultrasound, Aimee and I grabbed breakfast and then spent the rest of the day getting pedicures and just hanging out. We are so fortunate to have found a surrogate that we get along with so well and truly feels like another family member. I probably say this a lot, but I can’t even express how grateful I am.
Post Pedicures!
Our next big appointment is in January, where we’ll travel up to Portland for the 20-week appointment. A few people asked whether or not we’d be doing a 3D or 4D ultrasound. We did a basic 2D ultrasound because at 17 weeks, the baby still looks really skinny and a bit alien-esque. We wanted to wait to do a 3D ultrasound until around 30-34 weeks, when you can actually see the baby’s facial features. I think having the 3D ultrasound to use as a comparison when your baby is older is pretty cool. And I’m a huge fan of technology. Just another thing to look forward to!
Did any of you do elective ultrasounds? If so, when did you have yours done?

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Making Things Official

It took a long time for me to feel comfortable telling people about our pregnancy. Because we’ve been through so much loss, I was afraid to let people know what was going on until later than many people announce their pregnancy. Our immediate family however, was different. Our parents knew from the first positive HPT test so they could support us either way. With friends and work colleagues, we decided to wait until after we got results from our MaterniT21 test, which is a test that detects chromosomal abnormalities, and has the added bonus of detecting gender as early as 12 weeks. Since a lot of the first trimester screening can give false positives when it comes to birth defects, we wanted to have as much assurance as possible that our baby would be healthy before telling the world our good news.

I got the call I had been anxiously awaiting while I was at work, and was so relieved to hear the doctor tell us that they were 99% sure that there were no chromosomal birth defects. I had been praying that there would be no problems, and was so relieved by the great news I almost forgot to ask about the gender. When she told me that we were having a little boy, I was thrilled! I had felt the whole pregnancy that we’d be having a boy, so I was happy my instincts were right. People would often ask me what my preference would be, and I would always reply that I’d be completely happy either way. Having a healthy baby has always been the only thing I’d ever been concerned about.
Baby Sea Otter’s First Outfit
I called Otter Pop to let him know the good news, and then we decided how we’d tell our parents. I think gender reveal parties are cute, but we’ve personally never felt that was something we’d want to do. So that option was out. My parents live out of town, and his mom who lives in town was visiting relatives, so we schemed for a while and decided that we’d get a boy outfit, then FaceTime our parents to share the news. After getting an outfit, we called his mom and tried to FaceTime her, but the call wouldn’t go through. We called and told her to FaceTime, and learned that she had an old iPhone, and so did everyone else in the house, so we couldn’t FaceTime. Foiled by first world problems! So we did the next best thing and called her while sending her a text with the photo. We waited on the phone with her for 10 minutes while this text went through, and she finally learned that she’d be having a grandson! Not the grand surprise we’d been hoping for, but we were just happy to give her the good news.
We were planning on calling my parents first since my mom had been asking if we’d had news, but learned that she had a meeting she’d be at till 10pm. At the ripe old age of 30, I’m usually in bed by then, but I fought through the sleepiness to FaceTime with my parents and let them know they were having a grandson. Boy, technology is great when you’re not able to be there in person with your family for everything.
After our families knew, we did the next most important thing: Make it Facebook official. Because news just isn’t official until it’s Facebook official. We had taken this photo at Disneyland during our anniversary trip a few weeks earlier, and since we’d gotten engaged at Disneyland, it was only right that we announce our happy news at the happiest place on earth.
How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Blog Merger

Between writing on this blog (which is admittedly rare these days), writing on Waiting for Bee, and blogging for HelloBee, my posts have been pretty scattered. I decided to merge my two blogs into this one, which means a backlog of posts about my fertility treatments and what we've gone through to finally be lucky enough to be expecting. 

Waiting for Bee + Bees and Bows = MEGA Bees and BOWS!

Blogging has always been cathartic to me, and I hope that I enjoy blogging now that I'm streamlining all of my blogging outlets. Thanks for sticking with me! 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Our Surrogacy Story

The day that Aimee, our gestational surrogate, sent me the photo of her mailing the contract to the agency was like Christmas morning. It was one hurdle that we’d never passed before. Once the contract was signed, we started moving forward with having Aimee speak with our Reproductive Endocrinologist about the course of action, and see if she had questions. She went through additional medical testing to make sure she’d be a good surrogate and passed with flying colors. From there, our RE put together a protocol that would thicken her lining and make it ideal for a frozen transfer. We were given a transfer date and she started her medications, which included Estradial and Progesterone, and had to be given in the upper hip/butt area. Speaking from experiences, they aren’t fun. The Progesterone shots are the worst because of the knots you get. Mine had gotten so bad during my previous cycles that I couldn’t walk, and didn’t heal for months.
She’d text me during her ultrasound appointments to let me know how her lining was progressing, and compared to my uterine lining (and probably many other people’s linings), she was an overachiever and we were able to move forward with our frozen transfer! Just like the last potential GS, I was so nervous about meeting someone who would be a part of my life forever and carry our baby. No pressure… so when we picked her up at the airport, I was all sorts of nervous, but she was so laid-back about everything (which made nervous me so much more at ease!) We went to dinner, and then dropped her off at a hotel, where we’d pick her up the following afternoon for the frozen embryo transfer.

The day of the transfer, I went to work and struggled through one of the most nerve-wracking days of my life. I was getting ready to pick Aimee up at the hotel, when I looked down and saw I’d missed a call from our RE. I’ve never gotten a call an hour before a transfer before, so I had a horrible feeling I wasn’t going to get good news. I tried calling the RE back, and he was doing another transfer. So of course, I was freaking out. I went downstairs and met with Aimee and explained that I’d just gotten a message, and was pretty sure it meant that one of the embryos didn’t make it. I was crying a little, and mostly just being a complete nutcase.
We went to Whole Foods to get her a few snacks before she’d be on bedrest, and then drove back to my house for a few minutes to pick up Otter Pop, who to my surprise, was on the phone in total lawyer mode with the clinic, trying to get ahold of the doctor. Apparently they’d tried to transfer him and disconnected, and in that short amount of time he’d gone into another appointment.
Because we really wanted to prepare ourselves before we went to the clinic, Otter Pop stayed on the phone until he spoke to him. We got the news that I’d been dreading – that one of the embryos didn’t survive the thaw. The good news was that the other one in the straw had, and was already hatching. Since we only had four embryos left, we had to decide if we wanted to unfreeze the remaining embryos and choose the best two to transfer, or if we just wanted to try one. Even though those were our last ones, we knew we’d have the best odds with two, so we unfroze all of the embryos.
We got to the clinic and waited a while before being seen by the doctor. When we got back to the room, he let us know that of the other two that were unthawed, one of those didn’t look like it would make it either. I was a little crushed (and a lot overwhelmed), but really grateful to have two good ones. This looked like it would be our only chance.
For reference, every time I’ve had a transfer there’s been music that I find hilarious playing and I have to try as hard as possible not to laugh. The first time it was classical music that literally climaxed as soon as they put the embryo in. The second time it was some type of 80s rock that was just as funny. Before the transfer started, we requested control over the music. I will always remember that as they transferred the embryos, the song “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers was playing, and I heard, “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart.” It was so fitting and perfect, and Otter Pop and I watched as the embryos were placed into Aimee’s uterus.
Otter Pop ended up wearing a pink shirt and blue bow tie, and I had pink nails and blue toenails, just for a little extra luck. We drove Aimee back to the hotel and set her up with a Kindle to start the 3-day bed rest. We were able to spend time with her, and I had a great time having lunch with her and watching animal documentaries and just talking about our lives. I felt like I knew her forever, and I felt so comfortable that she was going to be the one hopefully carrying our baby.
We decided that we didn’t want to know if she was going to test before the Beta because we’d gone through a chemical pregnancy before, but then the next day, I told her I “wouldn’t be mad” if she wanted to test. She tested, and sent us a positive! We were so excited, but cautiously nervous. The next days we kept our fingers and toes crossed, and the tests were still coming back positive! We shouldn’t have been surprised when her first Beta came back as positive, and when the next three showed that the numbers were more than doubling. She even sent me the best birthday present imaginable – a positive digital test! But still, we were so nervous to get our hopes up.
Best birthday present ever
Aimee flew back in for the first ultrasound, where we’d see the baby (or babies), and make sure everything looked good. Otter Pop and I stood in the corner and waited anxiously to see the screen. I honestly had no idea what I was looking at, but the doctor seemed excited, and when they showed me the flicker of the heart, I started crying and was literally speechless, which is very rare. We finally had a baby on board!
For me, it seemed like every appointment was a hurdle. It was a hurdle to get a positive pregnancy test. A hurdle to get a positive beta, and see it rise appropriately. We had just passed the hurdle of finding the fetus, and now had to wait until the next appointment to see if he grew appropriately. Even though this was such a joyful time for us, I was living in fear that if I actually celebrated it that I’d somehow ruin everything or cause something to go wrong. I know that this is magical thinking, but I wanted to do whatever it took to make sure this baby would be ok.
But fortunately, we crossed all of those hurdles, and we’ve made it into the 2nd trimester of pregnancy! This has been such a crazy ride, but I am so grateful to have found Aimee, and now so excited to meet our baby in just 6 short months!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

San Diego Thanksgiving Re-Cap

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I was extremely blessed to be able to share the holiday with my family in San Diego. The holiday included beach football with the cousins, trips to the moon, great food, tons of laughs, dinner with a bunch of grateful Marines, a day-long detour of drinking and motorhome fun that led us to Sears on Black Friday and to the San Diego Air and Space Museum, and getting trapped upside-down with my sister on a flight simulator.

This is our last Thanksgiving as a family of two, and we are both so excited for next year when we have our little boy with us!

Story behind the flight simulator. My sister and I decided we wanted to go on one of the rides at the museum, and asked the guy behind the counter if it really went upside-down. In my mind, it was going to be something like Star Tours, where you feel like you're going upside-down but if you close your eyes, you're fine. He answered really sarcastically, "Of course you're going to go upside-down."

We took that to mean we could go upside-down "in our imagination." Color me surprised when we get strapped into harnesses in the machine and the guy starts telling us how to steer this thing, which I wasn't really paying attention to. So we decided to just fly as even keel as possible, and after about 2 minutes I got bored and decided I wanted to steer down a bit and then go up. I lost control (I suck at video games) and somehow got us stuck upside-down, unable to hit the emergency stop button or get us in the proper position again. I also had no idea that everything was being shown outside on video screen to people walking by, or that people could hear us screaming. Enjoy!


Friday, November 22, 2013

Why I've Been MIA

I've been MIA, but it's been for a good reason. 

We're having a baby boy this May via gestational surrogacy! 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Letters to Bee: Week 13

Hi there Little Bee,

This is probably the longest I've gone without seeing you. I worry, but I know that you're in the best capable hands. We've been so happy to find out your gender and share with all of our friends and family! You are so incredibly loved already and we all can't wait to meet you.

Thanksgiving is next week, and you are the one thing that I am the most thankful for in my life.  I can't believe that next year, you'll be here with us for the holidays. I already love you more than I ever thought was possible.


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Letters to Bee: Week 11

My Little Bee -

You're just about 12 weeks old, and from what I heard at the last ultrasound, a little jumping gummy bear! We tried to get you to show off for us during the ultrasound on Monday, but you were being shy and hiding most of the time. I was so happy that the doctor confirmed that you were right on track for growth and that you had a beautiful heartbeat. I can't wait to see you at the next scan!

It's so hard to explain the love that I already have for you. I've been so cautious not to get my hopes up, but when we hear good news at the doctor it gives me a small reprieve and I'm so incredibly excited to be your mom.

We had chromosome testing this week to make sure that you're healthy, and we'll hear back on that and if you're a baby boy or girl. I used to dream about what sex I'd have, but through all of the trials we've been through, I just want you to be happy and healthy. Boy or girl, your dad and I will be thrilled.

Since we're both over the fruit you're the size of this week (especially since the OB shook her head at me when I said you were a lime this week,) I decided to consult a more manly version of "How Big Are You This Week". On Saturday, you're going to be a half eaten corn dog, or the size of a small measuring tape!

You've already brought me so much happiness and hope, and I can't wait to meet you soon!


Saturday, November 16, 2013

[9 Weeks 6 Days] Getting Excited!

After the 9 week ultrasound and seeing our little bee moving around and hearing a beautiful heartbeat, I think I'm finally switching over from looking at this pregnancy every day with horrible anxiety to finally being so excited I want to tell everyone I run into.

I don't know if it's the fact that we've had two ultrasounds and we're going to be 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow (so close to 2nd semester!), but I'm actually loving this time. When I was dealing with IF, I had so many feelings looking at baby pins on Pinterest, or going into baby stores. When I had to buy baby shower gifts, I'd go to the store and get a gift card. Some days were better than ever, but overall, it was just painful to even let myself hope that one day I'd be the one going into the store to pick out onesies for my own baby.

I told Mr. Bee how excited I am to be able to share in this with him and do things like look at nursery decor, find baby names, and look at all sorts of adorable baby clothes.  In fact, we're going shopping for a family car (for baby plus two large dogs), and all I can think about was the last time we went car shopping and how my stomach dropped every time someone at the dealership asked if we had children. Even though car shopping is rarely fun, I'm looking forward to it just because I have a great answer for when I get that question that I once dreaded so much.

I text with A almost every day, and I always feel much better knowing that she's doing well and also able to carry on with her own life. I honestly couldn't have ever dreamed I'd find such a good friend through this process, and can't imagine going through this with anyone else.

A has her 11 week check-up with her OB on November 4, and then we'll schedule the NT Scan. I'd also like to schedule a more conclusive test like the Harmony or MaterniT21 for peace of mind, and because I have health issues of my own and want to make sure that I'm mentally prepared in case for some reason we get less than optimal news. Are any of you going to get one of the more conclusive tests?

I'm excited to fall asleep and wake up tomorrow knowing that I'm the mama to a baby the size of a prune. Happy 10 weeks!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Olive You Baby Olive!

What a difference two weeks makes! Just two weeks ago, you were a peanut. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, and was smitten when I saw your heart flicker. I dreamt about you almost every night. Sometimes you were a boy, sometimes you were a girl, and sometimes I forgot about you in a grocery store (I promise I'll never do that!)

This week, you're as big as an olive, and you looked like a little Kewpie doll with a big head and adorable arms and legs, all moving around. I think the one below looks like you're going for a jog. Your dad and I were so relived to see and hear your hearbeat this week, which was measuring at 186 bpm! According to old wives' tales, that means that you're going to be a girl. Both  I and our doctor think boy, and your Grandma think boy, but your dad is still hanging in for girl. We'll probably start taking gender polls soon. We really don't care as long as you're happy and healthy.

We're so excited for the next scan to see how much you've grown since we saw you last!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Letters to Bee: 7 Weeks

Baby Bee,

I like to think I'm seeing your face here,
but it could really be anything.
I haven't written in a little while, but you're 7 weeks, 4 days old! The last two weeks have been some of the most stressful of my life, worrying if you were going to be our sticky baby. So far, it looks like our dreams are coming true!

A was nice enough to come out over the weekend for the 7 week ultrasound. We all gathered in the exam room and your dad and I hugged and closed our eyes while we waited for the ultrasound. When we looked up, there you were! We weren't quite sure what we were looking at, but we could see your strong heartbeat flickering up on the screen. I cried. I could have watched that screen forever.

Of course, I tried to get more details like what your heart rate was, but was told I had to wait two more weeks until I'd get to know. Waiting is so hard, and for some reason, I'm still not learning patience.

This week you're a blueberry, and by the time I see you next, you'll already be an olive. Next time, you might be a horse. These fruits and vegetables are pretty silly. I know that you're the strongest out of all of our embryos, and so many people are keeping you in their prayers. Don't give A too much trouble these next couple weeks, and grow, grow, grow!


We're Positively Excited!

Written 9/18/13

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Great Article on Surrogacy

I love reading articles about other people's surrogacy journeys! Surrogates are really some of the most selfless people out there.

Read here

Monday, October 28, 2013

Decisions, Decisions...

I'm not a car person, which makes it really hard for me to decide on a new car. I love my 2011 RAV4, but I'm not a fan of the new body style. I'd love to have something a little larger than what I currently have, but not too big.

Right now I'm between the Honda Pilot and the Toyota Highlander. I don't think I can go wrong with either car, but I'd love people's opinions on what they think. I'd like something that drives well and has good cargo space in the back for my dogs (since I usually get things with my dogs as my #1 priority).

Thanks for any opinions!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

San Diego Re-Cap

I'm recovering from a whirlwind trip and a bad cold, so I apologize for the lapse in updates! Two weeks ago, I was invited by my collegiate sorority chapter to speak about my experiences with heart health. As a bonus, some of my most favorite Alpha Phi sisters came down as well to attend the Red Dress Gala!
Truth: It is not easy to find a cute red dress in September. Trust me, I looked everywhere. In the end, I decided to go with a friend's wisdom and try Rent the Runway. It was amazing (and no, they did not ask me to write about them, but I'd be thrilled if they sent me a coupon), and I got so many compliments on my Issa dress. The best part was that I got to wear a great dress I'd probably never end up wearing again, they sent two sizes so I could see which fit best, and I got to toss it in a UPS envelope at the end of the weekend without dry cleaning it. Success! Also, I saw Duchess Kate wearing the same dress in pink in the most recent US Weekly. And yes, she wore it better. 
But enough about the dress - the best part of the weekend was seeing my friends and the ridiculous shennanigans that ensued. At the beginning of the night I played Wine Ring Toss, and was fortunate enough to win a bottle of Sutter Home for the low price of $20! Don't worry, it was a donation. I proudly carried that Sutter Home around with me like it was my child.

After the gala, we drove to our old "bachelorette pad" that we lived in during college, and then to our favorite college bar. We'd only been there about 20 minutes when a friend called and said he was managing a bar down the street and would give us 2 pitchers of Long Island Ice Teas if we came by. We gladly accepted, and most of those photos will not be posted, but know that we performed many dances that we don't remember and played trivia until last call.

The next day we tried to cram as much San Diego into our day (even while nursing a huge hangover). We met a friend at the bay and played with her dog while munching on the best breakfast burritos known to man. Then we met up with my sister at the Polish Festival and made some new friends along the way, before heading to my uncle's restaurant in Cardiff for some drinks and appetizers on the beach.

Most of our friends had gone home by Monday, so we winged it and I happened to find my new favorite store, Paper Source. OMGeee. Calendars, planners, adorable gifts, and crafty crafts to your hearts content. I've never been to one before, and I was there for well over an hour. Paper Source, please come to Reno. I promise to pay to keep you open.

We also picked up some Sprinkles cupcakes for my boss, and some Chipotle for me. Boy were the people on the plane jealous of our goodies! It was a little weird telling the TSA agents that I had a bag completely filled with cupcakes and burrito bowls, but worth it to bring amazing food back to Reno.

So we're back and settling in until our anniversary trip to LA next week, where we're going to see Danny Elfman perform on Halloween and also hit up Disneyland! We're doing 5 years worth of celebrating!

Monday, September 30, 2013

That Time I Played With a Baby Morpher

In our many days of waiting, we decided to mess with a baby morpher. I must say that we have much better results than the first time we tried a baby morpher.

Baby Girl

Baby Boy

If you haven't already, meet Lester. Lester is our first morphed baby. 

Why yes, he is 40, and where he got those teeth from, I will never know. 

Right now we're just jumping over hurdles. Our amazing GS is keeping us in the loop, and she'll be down here soon! Jokes aside, please keep us in your prayers as we go in on the 7th.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Pumpkin Pecan Waffle Awesomeness

Ready for autumn? Run, don't walk, to Bath and Body Works. The Pumpkin Pecan Waffles candle is my absolute favorite of the decade.

I made the mistake of burning one at work yesterday and was banned from burning it again because it made everyone hungry (myself included).

This post is not sponsored, but I'd be happy to take more off of their hands if they offered!

P.S. There's also an adorable version in a mason jar!

Find them here:

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Cautiously Optimistic

I know I've been awful about posting, but truthfully, I've been too scared to say anything yet. So I just wanted to jump on and say that we're cautiously optimistic about things, and wishing on every star, blowing on every dandelion, and keeping our fingers and toes crossed. Thank you for all of your texts and tweets of encouragement, we appreciate them more than you'll ever know! I hope to be back in the swing of things soon with good news!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Awkward Child Photos

Today I'm 29. Tomorrow I'll be 30, flirty, and thriving.

In honor of this milestone birthday, I'm sharing some of my most awkward child photos with you.

Between the glasses, retainers, bad haircuts, red hair, and lack of any fashion sense whatsoever, I have a huge stash of these photos.

Unfortunately, I didn't think I was cool at the time. I'm pretty sure no one else did either. But every year, I've felt more comfortable in my own skin. I can look back and laugh at the silly fashion statements I made, and it's ok. 

So even though I don't look forward to getting another year older, I'm happy to know that I'll keep working towards figuring myself out even more. I'm grateful for all of the wonderful opportunities, friends, and family that are in my life. I'm hopeful for all of the good things to come. I know that I have a truly blessed life, and I can't wait to see what the big 3-0 holds. 

Safety first! My first time roller blading.

Our 4th grade play was The 3 Amigos. I wanted to have a big role, so my teacher made me the 4th amigo.
I was really just a girl with a mustache, who the villain fell in love with.

No, I didn't have a rat tail. That's my iguana, Iggy. She grew to be over 5 feet tall.
And that's my comically large alarm clock.

This is my first bunny, Moose. Please also note my jorts, and my iguana shirt. 

The family that plays softball together, stays together.
The girl who wears high waisted shorts, high top converse, and glasses, stays silly looking. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Dreaded Two Week Wait

I've probably said this before and I meant it: I'm not good with patience. When I did my transfers, I overanalyzed every twinge, cramp, or ounce of nausea. I tested up to 10x a day. I was a mess.

The second transfer was even harder. I felt pregnant, whether that was the hormones or the medication. I had super smell power and nausea. And I was pregnant, even if it was just for a week.

Waiting is hard, especially when I've only gotten bad news. I'm trying to focus on the positives. Thinking that this worked, that this will be amazing, and we'll be blessed with our "take home baby(ies)." And in my heart, I really feel like this worked. And I'll try to keep putting these positive thoughts out into the universe in hopes that they work. 

I hope my neuroses aren't putting to much pressure on A. I've really had a wonderful time hanging out with her, and will miss her, although I'm sure she won't miss being held captive in a hotel room for a weekend. 

So that's where we're at. I'll probably worry until A get a positive test, or worry until the following Monday when we get the 2nd beta result (who makes you wait over the weekend? Really? Not cool!)

Friday, September 6, 2013

Transfer Update

Yesterday was one of the most nerve-wracking days of my life. I was so nervous for the embryo transfer, and was really "not there" during most of my work meetings. I was getting ready to take A to Whole Foods to get some things before the transfer, when I looked down and saw I'd missed a call from our RE. I've never gotten a call an hour before a transfer before, so I knew it wasn't good news.

I tried calling him back, and he was doing another transfer. So of course, I was freaking out. I went downstairs and met with A and explained that I'd just gotten a message, and was pretty sure it meant that one of the embryos didn't make it. I was crying a little, and mostly just being a complete nutcase.

We went to Whole Foods and went back to my house for a few minutes to pick up Mr. Bee, who to my surprise, was on the phone in total lawyer mode with the clinic, trying to get ahold of the doctor. Apparently they'd tried to transfer him and disconnected, and in that short amount of time he'd gone into another appointment.

Because we really wanted to prepare ourselves before we went to the clinic, Mr. Bee stayed on the phone until he spoke to him. We got the news that I'd been dreading - that one of the embryos didn't survive the thaw. The good news was that the other one in the straw had, and was already hatching. Since we only had four embryos left, we had to decide if we wanted to unfreeze the remaining embryos and choose the best two to transfer, or if we just wanted to try one. Even though those were our last ones, we knew we'd have the best odds with two, so we unfroze all of the embryos.

We got to the clinic and waited a while before being seen by the doctor. When we got back to the room, he let us know that of the other two that were unthawed, one of those didn't look like it would make it either. I was a little crushed (and a lot overwhelmed), but really grateful to have two good ones. They gave A a valium, and Mr. Bee requested one for me so I could actually chill out and calm down for the transfer.

As far as that went, everything looked perfect. Our doctor let us know that A's lining looked amazing (something I've never heard myself!) and that she had an amazing obstetrical history. All good things to hear, although they'd probably be random compliments to hear on the street.

Mr. Bee ended up wearing a pink shirt and blue bow tie, and I had pink nails and blue toenails, just for a little extra luck.

So now we wait! A is so wonderful in person, and such a trooper. I'm so glad that through this process I've found a lifelong friend. I know a lot of people aren't as lucky.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and I really hope to come back with good news soon!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Transfer Week!

I can't believe it's already transfer week! Our GS flies in tomorrow night and the transfer is set for Thursday afternoon. I honestly haven't gotten a good night sleep in about a week. I've been trying to keep as busy as possible, but I'm ultimately driving myself (and probably everyone around me) crazy.

Yesterday I loaded up on all sorts of yummy things for A to snack on and enjoy during bed rest, so I hope she likes the little care basket! I honestly think bed rest was one of the toughest things for me since I like to be doing things and constantly engaged, especially when I'm stressed out. My RE clinic is really strict about 3 days of bed rest, although I hear other clinics let you do one day of bed rest and then go back to normal activities. I don't mind erring on the side of caution, but I hope she doesn't get too stir-crazy. Does anyone have any good tips for things to do on bed rest besides movies/books?

Until then, I'm going to try to keep thinking good thoughts, and staying busy. Hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The one where I get mushy

Last weekend, I got to be a part of one of my best friend's weddings. I was so happy to be included because she is literally one of the kindest, most thoughtful people in the world. And I even love her (now) husband! I'm incredibly protective of my friends, and have been known to tell it like it is to their significant others if they aren't being treated well. That said, Cecil is a total keeper.

I'd be lying if I said I was just excited for the wedding. I was finally reunited with my best friends in the whole world, some of whom I haven't seen in 3 1/2 years. And it sounds lame, but being with my friends again made me feel so amazing and whole. I like to think we're the type of friends that can not talk for years and then pick back up in the same place like nothing ever happened.

My friends also happen to be my Alpha Phi sorority sisters. To those who are anti-sorority, hear me out. Some people say joining a sorority is buying friends. If this is the case, it was money well-spent. Sure there were people in my house that I didn't get along with. But to come away from the experience with 6 friends that I know would be there for me regardless of my life situation is worth everything to me. We're all very different people in all life situations. Some of us are getting married, some of us are single, and some of us have kids. We live all over the west coast, and yet you can throw us in a room for a weekend and it's the best thing ever. And as much as I love the friends I've made in Reno, there's absolutely nothing in the world that could ever replace them.

So between best friends, endless laughs with Mr. Bee, harassing underaged cousins, NINJA TURTLE ICE CREAM, intense photobooth seshes, and so much more, it was the best weekend I've had in the longest time, and one of my favorite weddings ever. I wish I could freeze time and live in last weekend.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Family Magazines

A few years ago, I started collecting Real Simple Family magazines. They only come out sparingly. The first time a magazine came out, I read every single word, looked at every advertisement, and tried to memorize the best way to parent our future children.

A few editions later, I've been hoarding them. I haven't opened them because it hurts too much to read about kids crafting activities and back to school shopping when I can't participate with my own children.

The newest magazine came in the mail today. I'm scared, but I have hope. I know that there may still be heartbreak, and there's no easy way to deal with disappointment. I'm still sad when seeing friend's with Facebook announcements about new babies, and even holding my friend's babies fill me with such a sense of sadness and longing. I want it so badly for me and Mr. Bee, and knowing that it could be so soon is giving me faith.

Our GS had her first baseline ultrasound on Friday and everything went great! She also started her estradiol valerate injections. I felt so bad because the monitoring clinic wouldn't show her how to do one beause she's not "technically" her patient. So hopefully I was able to send over enough YouTube videos to help her through her injections.

I seriously still can't believe that we're working with such an amazing person who is willing to endure the shots, blood draws, then grow our babies for us, and give them back. I can't deal with what a gift it is.

I may not read the magazinze today, but at least I have that I may read it soon. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Somebody's Getting Married

Getting ready to drive up to the Bay tomorrow for one of my BFF's weddings! I can't wait to see her tie the knot! I'm seriously already emotional just thinking about it. Thank the Lord for waterproof mascara!

Off to celebrate!

It's all Happening!

Our surrogate got all of her medication today!

She has her baseline ultrasound tomorrow, so fingers crossed everything goes smoothly!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Jimmy Fallon - Newest Surro-Dad

Not to get all US Weekly on you, but I'm extremely happy that celebrities are coming "out-of-the-closet" to admit that they've used surrogacy. Surrogacy is weird. I always feel really awkward talking to people about it, but it's so important to talk about it and make it a "normal" thing. So, thanks Jimmy Fallon! I appreciate your honesty!

Read the article here.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Random Irrational Fears

I am not always the world's most rational person. In fact, I have many pretty silly irrational fears. Here are just a few.

This scares me just looking at it.

1. Bridges. Especially bridges over water. Not just troubled water, but any water.
2. Dark parking lots where I'm convinced someone will slice my Achilles like in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
3. Forgetting to wear underwear in public and fainting.
4. Spiders.
5. Being attacked while in the shower. I always think about my chances of survival if I get the water hot enough and blind the intruder. Does that really work?
6. Spiders.
7. People wearing masks. I have no idea why, I'm just not a fan. When I was 8 my cousin had a Power Rangers birthday party and hired people to dress up as masked bad guys. I kicked one of the guys in the crotch because I was so freaked out and my parents made me apologize.

I listed spiders twice. It wasn't a mistake. Here's my random scary story about spiders:

A few years ago, I went to a conference in Irvine (about an hour away from San Diego). It was in a more rural area, and it was summer, so I left my windows cracked so my car wasn't a billion degrees (mega foreshadowing).

At the end of the day, I got in my car to drive home. I settled in and just as I was about to drive off, I saw the hugest red spider I had ever seen hanging down over my face. So I did what any rational person would do and freaked out, ran away from the car, and went back inside to the conference to find a man who would get it of my car. I happened to run into one of our vendors, who I convinced to come to my car and find it. He looked over every inch of my car and didn't find anything, except the bag of lingerie that I'd recently acquired. We were both embarrassed.

I knew that the spider was still in my car, and had no idea how I'd get home, since my car had been hijacked. Somehow, I convinced the vendor to get in the car and drive me back to San Diego, so I'd have someone there when I got attacked. We drove for over any hour with no signs of the spider. I unwillingly dropped off said vendor and got on the phone with my dad while telling him the whole story.

I made it a block from my house, when I suddenly looked up and saw the spider ON MY WHEEL. So again, I acted completely rational and GOT OUT OF MY CAR AT A RED LIGHT. In the turn lane. My dad was yelling on the phone for me to get back in the car and the people behind me probably thought I was schizophrenic. I somehow managed to get the car across the street while steering the wheel the scariest spider I've ever seen was still sitting on it. I made it to the crosswalk and got out of my car again.

In the middle of my epic breakdown, a jogger comes by. By this time, I'm still in the road and in tears. He (while still jogging in place) asks me what the issue is. I told him there was a giant spider in my car and I couldn't do anything because I was basically going to die right there. Like it was nothing, he reaches into my car, grabs the spider (WITH HIS BARE HAND), throws it in the road, stomps on it, and jogs off without saying a word. Didn't even get to thank him for saving my life.

I know that's probably the most ridiculous story about spiders ever, and now everyone knows how completely insane I am. Also, it was like I didn't know that my caps lock was on for about half of that story. I did know, and it was needed. Because it was that frightening.

Do you have any irrational fears or ridiculous stories?