One serious post, and then I'm back to writing fluff.
2012 has been a very good year for me and Mr. Bee. We've been able to spend quality time together, go on some fun trips, and even bought a house of our own. We're very blessed, and even though things are tough right now, I can't deny how blessed we really are to have each other.
A few weeks ago, I went through a 2nd IVF attempt. And it worked. I've never been so happy to see two pink lines in my life. For a week, we were ecstatically happy. We were cautiously optimistic, but happy. We thought about all the things that normal parents would think about, like names, what they'll look like, and plans for our future. Then I learned I was having a chemical pregnancy. I was devastated. We were devastated. And I guess I still am.
At my last doctor's appointment, he said that this was really my last try. My medical conditions and health issues seem to be inhibiting my ability to get and stay pregnant, no matter what they throw at me. And at this point it looks like my only hope is a gestational carrier, or surrogate.
This year the holidays are hard again. I hold back tears when I see happy people with their kids at the mall. I get emotional watching Teen Mom (ok, who doesn't feel a plethora of emotions when watching that show?). I cry watching Elf. I think about how we'd be announcing to our family members around Christmas that we'd be having our first baby, one that we've wanted and prayed for for so long. And how every year following we'd have our child to help us decorate, watch Christmas movies, get excited for Santa to come, and do all of these things that I read about in other blogs.
I want everyone to know that even though I'm sad, I'm happy for all of my friends who have kids. You're all amazing moms and even though it hurts to know that we're in different places in our lives right now, I'm glad that we have been able to maintain our friendships.
Mr. Bee and I have decided to pursue surrogacy. We met with an agency, and the owner of the agency has already agreed to carry for us. That someone could do something so selfless for us gives me such hope. Hope that maybe next Christmas or the year after, our dreams of adding to our family and creating new memories might just be tangible.
Because fertility treatments have depleted our savings, it's going to be a while before we can pursue surrogacy. I'll keep updating as soon as we can move forward, but I just wanted to get all of this off my chest and thank you all for your support. I have an indiegogo account on my sidebar, but honestly, I feel kind of tacky posting it, especially when there are such more deserving people out there who need donations.
Anyway, I think all of you (especially those who have gotten this far!), and I promise this blog won't be all doom and gloom.