Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Wishes

...and may you kiss someone super hot at midnight!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Jealousy and 2013

I made it through Christmas mostly ok. Minor breakdown, but overall had a great time with my husband and family.

The thing that got me today was finding out that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a baby together. Someone who is still married to another man and is famous for making a sex tape is pregnant.

I agree with this quote whole-heartedly, and in 2013, I'm going to try my hardest to stop being jealous. It's hard being at the age where everyone is starting to have kids and wanting to be so happy for everyone. Happy to get their Christmas cards and baby announcements. And I love to see them, but boy, do they tear me up inside.

I didn't really have any New Years Resolutions, but my goal is to try to stop being jealous of everyone else's families and be happy with what I do have. I know that things will work out for us eventually, they have to. It's just a long road and so many dead ends and so many tears. But I have to believe that things will work out, that we'll have our children, just not on our timeframe.

Along with it being Christmas, it's been hard thinking that around now, we'd be telling our friends and families that we were pregnant. This is a little TMI, but I was hoarding a positive pregnancy test until last night, when I had to toss it during a cleaning frenzy. And I have to mourn the fact that I will probably never have that again. That I won't be able to carry our children, and that we might not even be able to have biological children. And that hurts, so very much.

I'm praying that 2013 brings more happiness than heartache for everyone. I pray that we're able to find and afford a surrogate sometime sooner rather than later. And I'm thankful for all of you who have been supporting us through all of this. So if I don't say it enough, thank you.

Christmas Catch-Up

Christmas almost didn't happen, at least in the sense that the snow almost blocked us from getting to L.A. to see our families. Fortunately, Mr. Bee is a No Limit Soldier, and drove 22 hours through the elements to get us home. He is my hero.

So happy I got to see these faces while I was back!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas Parties to the Max

I've had a whirlwind week of Christmas party after Christmas party, and now I'm spent! Between 2 work parties, an Alpha Phi party, and one with friends, I'm officially ready to call it a year.

Not that I didn't have a blast all week, it's just going to be a long recovery.

Me and my Alpha Phi sisters

Cheesin' it up in front of the Jets shrine
Tomorrow we'll be spending 10+ hours of merriment in the car with the dogs as we drive to my family's house for Christmas. I'm so excited to see them! If I don't get back on here before the holidays, I'm wishing all of you guys a very merry Christmas!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Who is Gossip Girl?

The Gossip Girl series finale is tonight, and we'll finally know the answer to who Gossip Girl really is.

Vote for your choice below!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Prayer in Schools

I've read so many things the past two days blaming the school shootings on the lack of prayer in school. And I promise I'll stop writing about this after this post, but I just don't believe that a lack of prayer has anything to do with a sick person who murdered innocent people and children.

God is everywhere, and just because people don't pray in schools doesn't mean that God isn't there. We live in a country of mixed religions and ethnicities, and I believe it's closed-minded to insist that all children have to pray to one god. That doesn't mean that people shouldn't pray, or that people shouldn't go to church, or encourage their children to stop at anytime during their day and pray to God. But I do think it's wrong to say that this tragedy has anything to do with prayer in schools.

A friend of mine posted this today on Facebook, and I couldn't agree more.

"Some of my facebook friends are insinuating that God didn't protect the children in Conneticut because "prayer isn't allowed in schools." Would you please think about what you are saying and how completely absurd your point is? This is not the time to push an agenda. If you believe in prayer, then PRAY. The Bible says WE are the temple of the Holy Spirit....NOT a building. 

If you believe that God caused the innocent children to be slaughtered or somehow failed to stop it because the prinicipal didn't start off the day with a Christian prayer over the intercom, you have a warped and un-Biblical view of who He is. You want prayer in school? Then teach your kids that they can pray anytime and anywhere. It's YOUR responsibility to do that....not a public school teacher or any other institution other than the church."

I think for now we should focus on keeping the families of those touched by this incident in our hearts and our prayers.


Friday, December 14, 2012


Today I came back from a meeting at work to hear that someone murdered children and adults at an elementary school in Connecticut.

My heart hurts so badly to know that someone could be so evil to kill innocent people, especially children. This school is 30 minutes from where I grew up in Connecticut. I have so many good memories of growing up in a safe, small town, and I can't even wrap my mind around how this happened. I talked to one of my cousin's this week who was thinking about moving to Connecticut with his wife and son and wanted to know how it was to grow up there. So much has changed in a few hours.

Please pray for the children and families affected today by the tragedy. Hug your loved ones tonight. If anyone is aware of ways that bloggers can help these people, please comment below so I can share.

O God, we pray for those who have been murdered on the streets of our city. We commit to your loving care those who have died, beseeching you to receive their souls into the mercy of your love. Comfort their loved ones who mourn. Enable them to meet the lonely and painful days ahead in the strength of your love. Let the love that you have made known to us lead us to create safer streets for all to walk upon. Amen.

$8 Candles at Bath and Body Works

I'm admitting right now that I have gotten little to no holiday shopping done lately. I am a slacker and I am ashamed.

Fortunately, I got an email from Bath and Body Works this morning advertising $8 3-wick candles in store today! If you've been living under a rock most of your life, I'm happy to tell you these are some of the best candles ever. They fill your house with good smells and happiness. And they are the perfect holiday gift!

These suckers usually sell for $20 each, so this is a great bargain. My absolute favorite candle is the French Baguette, but for winter, the Fresh Balsam has also been a winner (and even makes my fake tree smell real!)

So if you're going to be the Oprah of candles like I am this year, today is the day to take advantage of this.

You're getting a candle! And you're getting a candle! 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Beating the no Baby Blues

The past two years have been really tough getting through the holidays. People posting pictures of their babies looking at Christmas lights, opening presents, and I think of that void in my life I found this great article called "Beating the no Baby Blues," which offers some helpful tips about getting through the times when not having a child is unbearable.

"The point is that there is no magic bullet that will destroy what is trying to destroy you--whether it be cancer, infertility, divorce, or loneliness. Without implementing positive strategies for dealing with adversity, sooner or later, we are bound to become undone. And so, in the spirit of the holidays, I share the things I’ve found most helpful.

 1.) Go for a hike. Fresh air and exercise are a time-honored prescription for feeling better.
2.) Cry. Opening up to what hurts is one way of making sure it doesn’t take you down.
3.) Hug your ________ (husband, dog, sister, mom, dad, cat, best friend) and tell them you love them. I believe the energy you put out into the world is the energy you get back.
4.) Take charge of your life by mapping out goals and options. Is adoption feasible? Does your acupuncturist know of anyone who might surrogate for you?
5.) Give yourself a break. Take the rock out of your shoe and put it in a mental box. Tie it up with a brightly colored bow and store it in a dark corner of your mind. When you unwrap it again next year, perhaps you’ll have a new perspective."

Here's the rest of the article from Suzanne Rico:

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

New Journey - Surrogacy

Today we had our "WTF" appointment with our reproductive doctor, which is never fun to go to. This one in particular was harder than the rest.

We talked about how even though I was able to get pregnant, my lining issues made it so I wouldn't be able to carry the pregnancy. He feels the best option for us is to go the surrogacy route. Even though I knew in my heart that was going to be his answer, it still hurt.

The good news (silver lining) is that we have 4 embryos left, and they are all good quality. He was especially optimistic that because I was able to get pregnant, that the real problem is just my uterus, and not the embryos. So yay embryos!

Our next steps are to save money (a lot of it) and either go the agency route, or find an independent surrogate. My doctor is saying that an ideal surrogate would already have had successful pregnancies, be healthy, and between 20-35.

Right now I'm just thankful for everyone's support, because this is not fun, and it's not ideal. But it's bearable. I need to have patience, which is something that is not easy for me. I keep thinking that if my last IVF cycle had gone well that we could have been telling people around Christmas which is just around the corner. I have friends that are announcing their August 2013 pregnancies, which is after my "due date". Little things pop up that remind me that I'll never be pregnant. But I feel more ok knowing that my doctor is confident in our embryos, and that surrogacy will work for us. Plus, if NPH used surrogacy, it must be awesome.

Thanks for listening and thanks for all of your kind words and good thoughts, they mean the world to me.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Christmas Cards

Finally got our Christmas cards out this weekend. Happy holidays from the whole family!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Blog Sale!

Feel free to make offers! All money will go to my surrogacy fund. Shipping is $5 per item.
Contact for questions or purchases.

Hollister Shirt - Size M - $10

Tunic Dress - $15

F21 Maxi Dress - Size M - $20

Mary L. evening gown - $100. NWT.

                                                              Size 6 Dress - $20

                                                                Tunic - Size 4 - $15

                                                            H&M shift dress - M - SOLD

                                                      Lilly Pulitzer Nightgown - $25

                                                     Tory Burch Revas - Size 9 - SOLD

                                                     Seersucker JCrew Dress - Size 8

                         Ralph Lauren Blackwatch Plaid Dress - PENDING SALE

                                 F21 Shift Dress - Size M - $15 (Worn once to a garden party)

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Holidays Start Here

December is a busy month for so many of us. Not only do we celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or Ramadan or the end of the world, but there are so many parties and events to attend!

I kicked off December volunteering with Junior League for the holiday home tours last weekend. The tour is hosted by Step 2, which provides substance abuse treatments to women looking to rebuild their lives. The home tours are so much fun to volunteer with because you get to see so many great holiday decorations, and even get decor tips (like Pinterest IRL!).

Up next there's the Junior League Poinsettia Luncheon, Young Professionals Christmas Party, ugly sweater parties, cookie and ornament exchanges, and so much more before finally celebrating Christmas with my family. I love staying busy, and can't wait to enjoy all the upcoming festivities, even though I'll have to sleep for the following month to get my energy back.

What are your holiday plans? Are you doing any volunteering?

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The one where I post about Infertility

One serious post, and then I'm back to writing fluff.

I love the holidays, and for the last two years, the holidays have been some of the hardest times for me. You see, I've been going through fertility treatments for the past two years. Unsuccessfully. Last year I thought the sadness would kill me. We had just found out that our first round of IVF didn't work and I was devastated. Then we had the fires that burned my neighbors houses down, and personal issues, and I almost lost it.

2012 has been a very good year for me and Mr. Bee. We've been able to spend quality time together, go on some fun trips, and even bought a house of our own. We're very blessed, and even though things are tough right now, I can't deny how blessed we really are to have each other.

A few weeks ago, I went through a 2nd IVF attempt. And it worked. I've never been so happy to see two pink lines in my life. For a week, we were ecstatically happy. We were cautiously optimistic, but happy. We thought about all the things that normal parents would think about, like names, what they'll look like, and plans for our future. Then I learned I was having a chemical pregnancy. I was devastated. We were devastated. And I guess I still am.

At my last doctor's appointment, he said that this was really my last try. My medical conditions and health issues seem to be inhibiting my ability to get and stay pregnant, no matter what they throw at me. And at this point it looks like my only hope is a gestational carrier, or surrogate.

This year the holidays are hard again. I hold back tears when I see happy people with their kids at the mall. I get emotional watching Teen Mom (ok, who doesn't feel a plethora of emotions when watching that show?). I cry watching Elf. I think about how we'd be announcing to our family members around Christmas that we'd be having our first baby, one that we've wanted and prayed for for so long. And how every year following we'd have our child to help us decorate, watch Christmas movies, get excited for Santa to come, and do all of these things that I read about in other blogs.

I want everyone to know that even though I'm sad, I'm happy for all of my friends who have kids. You're all amazing moms and even though it hurts to know that we're in different places in our lives right now, I'm glad that we have been able to maintain our friendships.

Mr. Bee and I have decided to pursue surrogacy. We met with an agency, and the owner of the agency has already agreed to carry for us. That someone could do something so selfless for us gives me such hope. Hope that maybe next Christmas or the year after, our dreams of adding to our family and creating new memories might just be tangible.

Because fertility treatments have depleted our savings, it's going to be a while before we can pursue surrogacy. I'll keep updating as soon as we can move forward, but I just wanted to get all of this off my chest and thank you all for your support. I have an indiegogo account on my sidebar, but honestly, I feel kind of tacky posting it, especially when there are such more deserving people out there who need donations.

Anyway, I think all of you (especially those who have gotten this far!), and I promise this blog won't be all doom and gloom.