Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Anger Issues

I have had a lot of horrible doctors in my life. It took me a slew of bad doctors, painful treatments and no results before getting diagnosed with POTS Syndrome. After my experience with that I never take a doctor's word at face value. I just can't. 

My plan for this month was to do a second IUI. I was prescribed Femara, two shots of Bravelle and Estrace to grow my lining, with the reasoning that they would be starting my treatment earlier this month. I knew that because last month I needed four Bravelle shots that two wasn't going to cut it. So I questioned my nurse. And she assured me that it was going to be fine. 

Today I went in for my monitoring ultrasound. They only found one follicle measuring at 8. Nothing else. They gave me three more days of shots and told me to come back in on Friday. Issue is, I'm in a wedding this weekend and if I'm ready to ovulate by Friday I'm going to miss my chance at IUI. And I can't deal with the idea that all of this time, money and a chance at a baby is going to go to waste.

After leaving today, I remembered that my nurse had only prescribed me enough Estrace for one more day, which isn't going to cut it for a lining of only 5.1. So I had to call back in to ask them for more. Point being, I shouldn't have to be the one doing the remembering. I'm the patient. This is her job. There's a point where I shouldn't have to feel the pressure of trying to be the doctor and trying to figure everything out on my own. 

I'm sad and I'm pumped full of fertility drugs. Have any of you had to question your treatment? I know I'm the world's most awful patient, but when you're putting all of your faith and hope and money into a treatment, wouldn't you want the best care?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Vacation please

I have the traveling bug...bad. All I want to do is get away for a week and go explore somewhere I've never been. And while I'd love to head off to Europe, here are some more realistic choices I've come up with.

Maine
When Mr. Bee and I started dating he always promised that he'd take me on a cross-country trip to Maine for lobster. I grew up in Connecticut and just love the East Coast. I'd love to go walk around the small towns, see the lighthouses and go to a clambake or two.


New Orleans
The amazing culture of New Orleans and the architecture has always been really appealing to me. I'd love to go to New Orleans for JazzFest. 21-year-old me would love Mardi Gras. 



Portland
I've always wanted to live in Portland. I don't think I've ever heard a bad thing about it. It looks like such a fun place to visit. Maybe it's the hipster atmosphere, the craft beer, the music, or the fact that every travel food show features Portland's "Voodoo Doughnuts" and I'm just craving a doughnut.


Where in the US have you always wanted to explore?


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Memorial Day Sweet Treats

It's Memorial Day weekend, and since I found out I'm getting Monday off of work (you never know when you work in hospitality) I'm excited to spend the weekend in my backyard with Mr. Bee and the dogs doing all sorts of silly things. I've promised myself that I will learn how to make some type of patriotic pastry. And if it doesn't work out, well, that's what co-workers are for. Here are a few recipes I'm thinking of trying:


Star Spangled Fruit Tart

Ingredients

  • 1 tube (18 ounces) refrigerated sugar cookie dough, softened
  • 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
  • 1 cup fresh blueberries
  • 1 cup fresh raspberries
  • 1 cup halved fresh strawberries

Directions

  • Press cookie dough onto an ungreased 12-in. pizza pan. Bake at 350° for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on a wire rack.
  • In a small bowl, beat the cream cheese, sugar and extract until smooth. Spread over crust. In center of tart, arrange berries in the shape of a star; add a berry border. Refrigerate until serving. Yield: 16 servings. 


Star Spangled Fruit Tart (pretty self-explanatory)


Flag Cake From FoodNetwork.com



Ingredients

  • 18 tablespoons (2 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter at room temperature
  • 3 cups sugar
  • 6 extra-large eggs at room temperature
  • 1 cup sour cream at room temperature
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
  • 3 cups flour
  • 1/3 cup cornstarch
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda

For the icing:

  • 1 pound (4 sticks) unsalted butter at room temperature
  • 1 1/2 pounds cream cheese at room temperature
  • 1 pound confectioners' sugar, sifted
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

To assemble:

  • 2 half-pints blueberries
  • 3 half-pints raspberries

Directions

Heat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Butter and flour an 18 by 13 by 1 1/2-inch sheet pan.
Cream the butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment on high speed, until light and fluffy. On medium speed, add the eggs, 2 at a time, then add the sour cream and vanilla. Scrape down the sides and stir until smooth.
Sift together the flour, cornstarch, salt, and baking soda in a bowl. With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture to the butter mixture until just combined. Pour into the prepared pan. Smooth the top with aspatula. Bake in the center of the oven for 20 to 30 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool to room temperature.
For the icing, combine the butter, cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mixing just until smooth.
Spread three-fourths of the icing on the top of the cooled sheet cake. Outline the flag on the top of the cake with a toothpick. Fill the upper left corner with blueberries. Place 2 rows of raspberries across the top of the cake like a red stripe. Put the remaining icing in a pastry bag fitted with a star tip and pipe two rows of white stripes below the raspberries. Alternate rows of raspberries and icing until the flag is completed. Pipe stars on top of the blueberries.
I serve this cake right in the pan. If you want to turn it out onto a board before frosting, use parchment paper when you grease and flour the pan.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Friday Date Night Outfit


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Most Depressing Childhood Songs

I got some sad news the other day (nothing life-shattering) on top of totally PMSing. Then yesterday while I was driving to work the song "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story came on the radio. And I just about lost it.

I told Mr. Bee about my lamesauceness and he asked me, "Why did that song make you sad? That's not even a sad movie!" And it's not. I mean, it ends happily. They all do. All 1-however many there are. But the whole abandoning toys that love you and thinking about having kids (or not being able to have kids) that one day abandon their toys...I don't know. Clearly I'm totally crazy.

Then last night we were watching Glee and once we saw them pick up the Willy Wonka tape I just knew that they were going to play "Pure Imagination." I sat there and looked at Mr. Bee and said, "If they play that song, I'm going to bawl. In fact, I bet that they do a video montage and it's going to be 100000x worse."

Guess what non-Gleeks? They did. And I bawled. So we started on the topic of some of the saddest childhood songs of all-time. Here's what we came up with:

1. My Mother - The Chipmunks Movie
2. Baby Mine - Dumbo. Also, the Alison Krauss version is just as amazing and depressing.
3. Candle on the Water - Pete's Dragon
4. Cheer Up Charlie - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
5. Goodbye May Seem Forever - Fox and the Hound
6. Someone's Waiting For You - The Rescuers

I know that there's more out there, but there's our list. Have any super sad songs to add to the list?


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

IUI #1 was a bust

Let the beer and sushi commence.

Most Depressing Childhood Songs of All Time

I've taken two pregnancy tests in the past four days and they've all come back negative. I went in to take the Beta test this morning and am just waiting for the official word that IUI #1 was a bust. I've already had cramps, had an obsession with Chocolate Covered Almonds with Sea Salt from Trader Joes and been a complete bitch. Then yesterday while I was driving to work the song "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story came on the radio. And I just about lost it.

I told Mr. Bee about my lamesauceness and he asked me, "Why did that song make you sad? That's not even a sad movie!" And it's not. I mean, it ends happily. They all do. All 1-however many there are. But the whole abandoning toys that love you and thinking about having kids (or not being able to have kids) that one day abandon their toys...I don't know. Clearly I'm totally crazy.

Then last night we were watching Glee and once we saw them pick up the Willy Wonka tape I just knew that they were going to play "Pure Imagination." I sat there and looked at Mr. Bee and said, "If they play that song, I'm going to bawl. In fact, I bet that they do a video montage and it's going to be 100000x worse."

Guess what non-Gleeks? They did. And I bawled. So we started on the topic of some of the saddest childhood songs of all-time. Here's what we came up with:

1. My Mother - The Chipmunks Movie
2. Baby Mine - Dumbo. Also, the Alison Krauss version is just as amazing and depressing.
3. Candle on the Water - Pete's Dragon
4. Cheer Up Charlie - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
5. Goodbye May Seem Forever - Fox and the Hound
6. Someone's Waiting For You - The Rescuers

I know that there's more out there, but there's our list. Have any super sad songs to add to the list?

Spring Reading

I absolutely love to read, but I have to get into "the zone" to do it. Recently, I've been in "the zone" and have gotten through 4 books in a week.When I moved to Nevada I found this amazing Goodwill store that always has brand-new books for $1. It's amazing. I don't think I'll ever really find a reason to buy a $25 book again.

Here are some of my recent reads. None of them are thoughtful or educational. Not going to sugar coat it.

Poison Study - A girl named Yelena has killed the son of a general. She is sentenced to be executed, but gets randomly chosen to be the Commander's poison taster.

Fire Study - Yelena finds out she has magical powers and finds her family. Lots of new characters and random drama. Did not love this.


Summer in Sonoma - The separate story of friends who all have their own issues in life. Everything turns out well in the end. It's predictable but fun to read. 

Dead Reckoning - The newest Sookie Stackhouse book. Sookie has her fairy relatives living with her, has new and old characters coming back to mess with her. Really enjoyed it, was much better than the last book. 

Next up on my reading list:
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
The History of Love
Olive Kitteridge
Lost and Found
The Florabama Ladies' Auxiliary & Sewing Circle

Have you read anything good lately?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tail Waggin Tuesday: Eleanor Oktoberfest

Linking up with Miss C Mae for Tail Waggin' Tuesday!



Mr. Bee and I started looking through all of our videos of Eleanor as a puppy. She was such a cute puppy (and now a cute dog). Here's one of her showing off her mad tricks and dancing skills. Yes, we are listening to Oktoberfest music.

video


Sunday, May 15, 2011

I have been an awful blogger

Honestly, I've been so busy with work and life that I've been a bad blogger. And I've been cheating on Blogger. With Pinterest.

The best way I can describe Pinterest is a picture-only version of Tumblr where you "pin" your favorite pictures on various boards. For example, I have boards for home inspiration, favorite outfits and miscellaneous things I love.

Here are a few of the pictures I've pinned lately:





Want an invite? Reply with your email address and I'll send you one!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

IUI - Let's hope it's #1 and done

Yesterday I had my first (and hopefully last) IUI.

We went in at 11 to bring in Mr. Bee's...um...little guys. We found out that after the cleaning that they do to get rid of the slow ones there were 32 million! Go Mr. Bee!

I went in at 1 for the IUI. They did a quick ultrasound and saw that my lining thickened up to a 6.8 and that it had a great three-ring structure. Kind of like a circus. Or a planet. They said that many women get pregnant with a lining of even less than 6.8 and that the structure is the most important part.

The actual IUI only took about a minute. I had cramping (nothing severe) which has continued on to today. I think the worst part of it all so far is the extreme anxiety I have today (which I've experienced since taking some of the meds) and the fact that I can't take Xanax. Healthy baby > feeling like a normal human being.

I'll go in on the 19th for bloodwork to see if it worked. I'm sure I'll be testing at home before then, although the Pregnyl shot causes you to have a positive HPT and OPK. I'd be lying if I said I didn't test with both of them just to get a positive result. I need a little positivity in my life! Getting through the next two weeks is not going to be a picnic.

I hate that I understand this humor


How much Metformin do you take a day?

"I grind it up, roll up a page from "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and snort it off my OPK box."

Monday, May 2, 2011

Not feeling optimistic

I went in today to get re-checked. Only one of my follicles decided to grow (now at 18). All of the others are still small.

My lining is still really thin (went from 3-5 over the weekend). My doctor likes to see it at 8 before an IUI. They gave me Estrace to take to help thicken the lining more, and a trigger shot to give myself tomorrow to make myself ovulate. We'll go in on Wednesday for the IUI.

I'm bummed about only one egg-cellent egg and the lining issue. I really, really hope it thickens up before Wednesday. I know that most people don't get pregnant on their first IUI, but I feel like I don't even have a chance. And all of my doctor's appointments and missing work and taking meds that make me feel awful and spending so much money is all for nothing.

Mr. Bee is so supportive and always knows the right things to say. I feel so guilty that he has to go through this with me. I'm always the sick one and I wish my body just worked normally.

I know I should be thankful that we are able to afford everything so far, and that I do have one good egg. One good shot. And I am thankful. But I'm also sad that it's not better. I wish we had started TTC even sooner so we'd have a better shot at figuring things out. Ok, hormonal rant over.